I've now worked in a downtown highrise for 3 years and there's something I've watched consistently over that time that bothers me and is inexplicable. Women always get to get in the elevator first. I don't understand this. I was never taught this as a child. It seems to be some unwritten rule that everyone simply abides by.
Now, I know what you're thinking. It's merely a chivalrous act. A holdover from the days when men always opened doors for women, etc. Of course this is what's going on. I understand it from that point of view. But as a symbolic act, it just doesn't make any sense to me. Opening a door for a woman makes sense. Doors can be heavy and awkward. Even if a woman is stronger than the man she's with, historically we wanted women to appear to be the weaker sex. I still generally open doors for women, if they allow it.
But the elevator makes no sense. By letting women board first, I'm not easing any physical burden for them. In my building, the elevators are awful. On any given week, at least one is broken. So, when you come to work in the morning, you may have to wait several minutes to get on one.
This morning when I came in, I arrived at the elevator bank simultaneously with 5 other men. One pushed the button and we waited. The elevator came about three minutes later and by then, another 2 men and 4 women had shown up. As soon as the light when on for the elevator that arrived, all the women moved to be right in front of it and, sure enough, got on first when the doors opened. One of the guys who initially got there when I did didn't even make it on. He had to wait for the next elevator. This is ridiculous. Aren't we all supposed to be equal now? I mean, we're all trying to get to work. Opening doors and paying for dinner is one thing but I don't understand why women should be given preferential treatment to elevators.
I guess what bothers me is not that men step aside and let women board first. It's that women now expect this, as if it is some inalienable right. Like the women this morning. They didn't wait until the door opened and a man asked them to please go first. They simply cut right in front of all the men who had been there longer and assumed they should get on first. It reminds me of driving. In the old days, if a person wanted to come into your lane they would signal and you'd slow down to let them in or flash your lights to let them know. Then they would wave to you to acknowledge the gesture. When I drive now, most people don't even signal their intentions and if you do take action to let them get in front of you, they almost never give an acknowledging wave anymore. It's as if people feel they simply have to right to get in front of you if they want. They don't acknowledge that you have taken an affirmative step to exhibit a small act of kindness. Frankly, this has led me, and I suspect others, to exhibit fewer acts of kindness. I don't need anyone to praise me, but if I'm going to do something nice for someone, there's nothing wrong with at least a simple acknowledgement. I guess I also believe that if people want equality, then they should be reticent to accept preferential treatment.
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3 comments:
That is just bizarre. It must be your building, is it a magnet for coquettish behavior in professional women? Were they each carrying three or four bags as well? I'm as likely to hold the door for a man as he is to hold it for me. I always share the road and the elevator space, and frankly am probably more deferential than I should be (a character flaw in nearly every aspect of my life) out of courtesy, I guess. I'm always freaked out by old-fashioned chivalry; I am more independent than I realize and don't care for "fussing". Even my boss calls me a hard-headed woman but since he's surrounded by them I take it as a compliment. So I think you just need to ride different elevators every now and then.
Well, as I believe I've previously posted, I'm always shocked by the number of bags women seem to bring to work. I don't understand why they weigh themselves down for work each day as if they're going on a weekend holiday.
However, these women were not unduly laden with bags. Again, my problem isn't so much with the chivalry. It's with the assumption of it. Again, it's just an elevator. What's so special about letting someone get in an elevator first?
But this is a larger beef I have with some women. They're for equality when it benefits them but also for inequality when it benefits them. Talk to most women and they'll still say that men should pay for most dates, etc. I don't mind doing this but I think we all need to recognize that it's anachronistic, from a time when women either didn't earn money of their own or earned very low wages. But does it makes sense that if I'm dating a woman who makes as much or more than me that I should still pay for dates?
Ah well. Such is life. Hence the reason I don't date.
Hell no! I always offer to pay half, pick up the tip, or if someone comes out my way, the whole tab. It all evens out in the wash. Part of my bullheaded independence. You can't put a pricetag on real emotional partnership so what does it matter if I make dinner four nights and he makes it three (ok, two and orders in one night)?
Then again I think some women are geared/trained/primed/whatever to have men take care of them, and some men really want that privilege, and that's fine.
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