This week the news outlets, largely online, carried a story about letters and notes written by Mother Teresa. It seems that basically for the last half of her life, Mother Teresa, who is being evaluated for sainthood, experienced a serious question of faith. Her writings talk of feeling black and empty. She indicated that her public personna was just "a mask" and that she did not feel close to Jesus and questioned whether God even existed. She also questioned how she had spent her life and what it was all for if there is no God. The anguish and emptiness expressed in her writing is startling.
Now, religious leaders, who have a heavy investment in Mother Teresa's image and don't want to think that someone of here stature was doubting her faith, have interpreted her writings as an affirmation of her faith. Personally, I think you have to perform some pretty deft mental gynastics to make reach that conclusion. They feel that her desire to feel closer to God and to want more from her faith is a common feeling among pious people. Perhaps. I have a different interpretation.
I think her questioning was honest. I think this is a woman who was faithful much of her life but during that life, with all that she saw and experienced, she began to question that faith. Looking at the way she lived, despite her noteriety, I can only imagine that devoting your entire life to something and then questioning the foundation of those beliefs must be gut-wrenching. I think Mother Teresa is a person who spent enough time in a part of the world most of us prefer to ignore that she was forced to really wonder whether there's any supernatural being out there who cares, or is even out there at all. My own struggle with atheism have not always been easy or certain. I cannot imagine what it would have been like if I spent a significant portion of my life in service of my faith only to one day have it ring hollow.
I guess we'll never know what Mother Teresa really thought about her faith at the time of her death. What we do know, in her own words, is that she experienced a serious crisis of belief and that this was profoundly depressing to her. Still, if someone who was so publicly identified with religion could honestly question her beliefs and come to the apparent conclusion that God may not exist, I have to believe that there may be hope for this world yet to leave the dark ages of mysticism and fable.
5 comments:
Thanks for writing this wonderful piece. I managed to miss this event in the news. It's quite significant.
Imagine the number of people who need just that kind of "permission" from a figure like Mother Theresa in order to allow themselves to continue their own questioning of their beliefs. The whole process of questioning the laws of the Church and rules of the faith game is moreoften viewed as a source of shame rather than a positive experience. I just couldn't stand it anymore, being part of an all-male institution that operates on a rationale of shame. It's vile. If someone like Mother Theresa can stand up to that garbage, hopefully more will follow.
Mando - I think a lot of people missed this story because the major news outlets didn't carry it. There was no article about it, as I recall, in the Plain Dealer and I didn't hear anything on the nightly news either. Not surprising. When the Pope nominated her for sainthood, that was on the news. But when a figure like this questions her faith, something that I think is a pretty significant story, the media is strangely silent.
I saw this on the Today Show last week and just knew that you'd have something to say about it. Glad you didn't let me down.
Having the views I do on religion, I obviously agree with what you have written here. I'm glad you've done so. God knows my blog is pretty much dead!
Mother Teresa reminds me of the last Pope. I don't agree with the religious side of what they did - and found it to be unnecessary - but respected them for their living of the life they preached. You just cannot say that about most religious folks.
That she questioned her faith but stayed a part of that life, to me at least, makes her more committed to her religion. I think that that stubborn refusal to "jump ship" is what defines the truly religious; as opposed to the zillions that say they are religious but don't live the life.
So, when I hear this, I feel bad for her, and I personally think it was sad for her to not listen to her own brain talking, but I at least respect the fact that she was doggedly determined to keep with it to the end.
Yeah, I know. She was deluding herself and she knew it. That's sad. But again, the point of "faith" is that you give up that logical part of your brain and listen to God. In as far as that is concerned, she was truly tested and truly passed that test.
KC - Thanks, nice to know I'm not disappointing.
Boring - I agree with that assessment. I just wish I knew what conclusion she came to, if any. The fact that she felt this way, and kept it from the public, suggests that for all we know she didn't believe in the end. I guess that's not really important but what is important is that she truly tried to look at this honestly and that, as you said, is more than most religious people do.
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