.38 Caliber Therapy

Medical Mart

2009-01-22T16:21:00.000-08:00

I love Cleveland. When you live here, you never get bored reading about our *ahem* city leaders. For those not in the area, Cleveland has been talking about building a medical mart for a couple of years. I think every resident is still somewhat fuzzy on what a medical mart is but it seems to be a convention center type place that specializes in hosting shows focusing on sales of technology and equipment for the medical community. This is supposed to be the latest way to bring money into Cleveland.

Last year, the city enacted an additional sales tax to help pay for this thing. So far they've collected about $42 million and thus far, nothing of consequence has been done. Some lawyers and consultants have made six-figure salaries, but that's about it. The main thing they were trying to decide is a location. It was between Tower City, the complex of shopping, hotel, and rapid transit station under the Terminal Tower, and the old Cleveland Convention Center, and underused and abysmal building.

In the Plain Dealer a few days ago, they had an article about site selection. One person they cited was a guy who has been in the convention business his whole career. The Plain Dealer basically said this guy has forgotten more about the convention business than most people involved in the project know. He was quoted as saying that the old convention center is an absolutely horrible building in a horrible location and that building the new medical mart there would be an absolute disaster.

Can you guess which site our "leaders" picked? I'll bet you can. They picked the disaster site. Yes, projections indicate this may cost $100 million less than building at Tower City but what's the long term cost? The project will still cost $400 million (plus you know there will be cost overruns). If the mart ends up being a disaster and no one comes or it's hardly used, we will have wasted $400 million to save $100 million.

Granted, I wasn't part of the discussion. I haven't been in any of the meetings. Maybe these people know something I don't. But what I can say is that I have no faith in Cleveland leadership to get anything right. They screwed up the Euclid Corridor Project. They haven't managed to do anything to re-vitalize the city and if there's a wrong decision to make here, I'm sure they'll make it.

Too Cold for Our Wittle Darlings

2009-01-18T10:11:00.001-08:00

So the kids in my city had no school on either this past Thursday or Friday. Ostensibly this was because it was so cold (which it was). Apparently, it doesn't matter that fewer kids walk to school now than ever. Still, it was pretty cold and for those kids that do walk, I'm sure they appreciated it.

That being said, what's the longest walk any of these kids probably have? 20 minutes? Maybe 30? Again, not great given the weather but how serious is it really? Apparently not that serious.

The front page of the Saturday Plain Dealer had four photos of people dealing with or doing things on Friday. The bottom right corner was a 10 year old kid who spent the day at Boston Mills ski resort. So, seemingly it was far too cold for this kid to go to school, where he would have been in a heated building most of the day, but it wasn't too cold to go to a ski resort.

Such is the fallacy of "cold days" and "snow days" in school systems. The theory is that school is called off because it's too dangerous or treacherous to go. But go to any mall on one of these days and you'll see these same kids had no problem getting there. It must just be dangerous driving to school but the roads to the malls and ski resorts are apparently cleared. It's such absolute bullshit.

Here's my solution: change the school calendar. Instead of giving kids off the Summer, give them off the worst of the Winter. Suspend school from December through February instead of June through August. That way, our precious little darlings will be protected and the school system can save money by cranking down the heat in the buildings. AC in the Summer will be cheaper that heat in the Winter, and you only need air conditioning when it's really hot.

"Miracle" on the Hudson

2009-01-16T07:25:00.000-08:00

Okay, so yesterday a US Air jet crashed into the Hudson river after apparently flying into a flock of birds that took out both engines. Birds are actually pretty dangerous to airplanes. A significant minority of military plane crashes have been blamed on run-ins with birds. Since the pilot did such a great job of landing the plane in the water and no one was seriously hurt, he's being called a hero and the whole event labeled a "miracle."

Miracles aside, I think the pilot did a great job and definitely is to be commended. But does anyone notice anything funny about the picture I've posted here, and all the pictures of this crash?

I'll tell you what I notice. I notice that this picture looks absolutely nothing like the drawings of water landings on the safety cards in the seatbacks of any planes I've ever flown on. When you read the safety card for the plane, it almost always shows the plane serenely sitting on top of the water with the inflatable exits extended and apparently propping the plane up. Passengers in the drawings are smiling as they slide down what looks to be a pretty fun little ride. The flight attendant stands by the opening, cheerfully assisting passengers down the slide and into little inflatable life boats.

That's not what I saw in the Hudson yesterday. I saw no inflatable life boats and one inflatable slide. I did not see friendly flight attendants helping gleeful passengers calmly exit the plane. I saw a plane nearly fully submerged. I saw people in frigid water and on stretchers.

Again, the flight crew did a great job and what we saw on TV yesterday was exactly what we'd expect to see. But it highlights the sheer stupidity of the in-flight safety cards. The plane yesterday was barely off the ground and still basically sank when it landed in the water. Hitting the water from a couple thousand feet in the air is like landing on concrete. So both from low altitude and higher altitude, I think the safety cards are wildly optimistic about your chances. Then again, I suppose it might not make people too comfortable if the drawings depicted what really happens.

Elevator Etiquette

2009-01-12T05:43:00.000-08:00

I've now worked in a downtown highrise for 3 years and there's something I've watched consistently over that time that bothers me and is inexplicable. Women always get to get in the elevator first. I don't understand this. I was never taught this as a child. It seems to be some unwritten rule that everyone simply abides by.

Now, I know what you're thinking. It's merely a chivalrous act. A holdover from the days when men always opened doors for women, etc. Of course this is what's going on. I understand it from that point of view. But as a symbolic act, it just doesn't make any sense to me. Opening a door for a woman makes sense. Doors can be heavy and awkward. Even if a woman is stronger than the man she's with, historically we wanted women to appear to be the weaker sex. I still generally open doors for women, if they allow it.

But the elevator makes no sense. By letting women board first, I'm not easing any physical burden for them. In my building, the elevators are awful. On any given week, at least one is broken. So, when you come to work in the morning, you may have to wait several minutes to get on one.

This morning when I came in, I arrived at the elevator bank simultaneously with 5 other men. One pushed the button and we waited. The elevator came about three minutes later and by then, another 2 men and 4 women had shown up. As soon as the light when on for the elevator that arrived, all the women moved to be right in front of it and, sure enough, got on first when the doors opened. One of the guys who initially got there when I did didn't even make it on. He had to wait for the next elevator. This is ridiculous. Aren't we all supposed to be equal now? I mean, we're all trying to get to work. Opening doors and paying for dinner is one thing but I don't understand why women should be given preferential treatment to elevators.

I guess what bothers me is not that men step aside and let women board first. It's that women now expect this, as if it is some inalienable right. Like the women this morning. They didn't wait until the door opened and a man asked them to please go first. They simply cut right in front of all the men who had been there longer and assumed they should get on first. It reminds me of driving. In the old days, if a person wanted to come into your lane they would signal and you'd slow down to let them in or flash your lights to let them know. Then they would wave to you to acknowledge the gesture. When I drive now, most people don't even signal their intentions and if you do take action to let them get in front of you, they almost never give an acknowledging wave anymore. It's as if people feel they simply have to right to get in front of you if they want. They don't acknowledge that you have taken an affirmative step to exhibit a small act of kindness. Frankly, this has led me, and I suspect others, to exhibit fewer acts of kindness. I don't need anyone to praise me, but if I'm going to do something nice for someone, there's nothing wrong with at least a simple acknowledgement. I guess I also believe that if people want equality, then they should be reticent to accept preferential treatment.

My New Baby

2008-12-30T17:20:00.000-08:00

Some people get excited over a new relationship. Me? I get excited over a new guitar. This year, I decided to spend some of my yearly bonus on myself. I usually put all my money in the bank but this year I decided to spend some. So, the first thing I bought was this sweet red Jackson guitar. I was looking for another Ibanez but after playing this one, I was sold. It has EMG pickups and while I've always maintained that a good guitarist can make even a cheap guitar sound good, these pickups definitely make a difference. My finger tips are sore from playing it already and I have to admit, she's a sexy little thing.

A Little Holiday Driving Advice

2008-12-26T06:39:00.000-08:00

The New Year is almost upon us and it's my sincere hope that all drivers out there can make a few resolutions about how they'll handle their vehicles in the upcoming year. The following are a sample of some resolutions that I'd like to see people embrace that would make my life easier:

1) When it snows on you car, please clean the snow off of more than just a one square foot spot on the front windshield in front of your own face. It doesn't take much more time to brush the snow off the back window and it may actually help you to see what is going on in the other dimensions in which you car travels. While you're at it, brush off the snow on top of your car as well. This will be appreciated by those traveling behind you so that they don't have to deal with the whiteout created by your car. If you're too goddamn lazy to brush off your car, clean some shit out of your garage so you can use it for its intended purpose, parking your car.

2) People need to make several resolutions regarding turn signals. These include, but are not limited to, the following:
a) Please actually use a turn signal. If you're going to yell at me or give me the finger, it would be helpful if I at least knew your intentions so that I could better assess the grievous error I've apparently committed.
b) Understand that just because you put your turn signal on, I am not obliged to let you cut in front of me. It is a courtesy for me to do so, not your birthrite. If I do allow you in, it would not kill you to give an appreciative hand wave.
c) Do not put on your turn signal after you've already started cutting in front of me. That does not make it okay, nor does it in any way lessen my desire to cave in your skull with a Louisville Slugger.
d) If you are stopped at a light and intend to turn, do not wait until the light turns green to turn on your turn signal. The whole point of a turn "signal" is to signal people as to your intentions so that they can take appropriate action. Not using the device in advance really misses the whole point and confirms that you have an IQ at least one standard deviation below the mean.

3) If there is no one in front of you and traffic lights are green, there is no reason to hit your brakes. We all know these people. They incessantly tap their brakes every few feet as if maintaining some sort of vigil for the imaginary deaf child at play who never materializes. You do not have to hit your brakes because something is happening on the side of the road traveling in the opposite direction. You do not have to hit your brakes beause the person in the next lane traveling in the same direction has hit his/her brakes. Just drive the fucking car. If no one stops in front of you and the lights are green, there is no reason to apply your brakes.

4) Okay folks, ostensibly we all passed driver's ed. Apparently, however, some people need a refresher. On a 4 lane road, you do not have to stop for a stopped school bus traveling in the opposite direction from you. I know the little darlings are our future and we're all trying to be hyper-safe but you are a menace if you stop when you're not supposed to. Keep in mind that all the people who passed driver's ed without writing the answers on their palm are not expecting you to stop. If you decide to make up your own laws when driving, don't be surprised if someone follows you home and covers your car with feces.

I could easily go on and on but in the spirit of the holidays, I'll just leave it at these few notions that have been particularly distressing to me in 2008. I doubt anyone will change. We all think we're phenomenal drivers just as we think everyone else is fat, or a bad parent, or not good in bed. All I know is that every time I drive I'm grateful that I haven't yet obtained my concealed carry permit.

Warning!!! Invasion!!!

2008-12-23T16:34:00.000-08:00

Everyone who knows me knows that I'm not given to hyperbole. However, I feel it is my duty to alert America to a frightening reality. Not unlike the old sci-fi movie 'Invasion of the Body Snatchers,' our television journalists in America are slowly being replaced with supermodels. Or at least some form of pod creature that looks like a supermodel (see photo of CNBC business honey Erin Burnett below).

I'm not exactly sure when this happened but it is definitely an insidious trend. Local news anchorwomen have typically been somewhat comely lasses but lately they are increasingly stunning. I then started noticing that even on the "serious" national news shows, on-site reporters began being replaced with women who could model for Victoria's Secret. Now even sports channels, like ESPN and the NFL network, those bastions of testosterone encumbered reporters, have succumbed. More and more of there on-field reporters are freakishly beautiful women.

I'm not sure of the ultimate plan of these obviously alien lifeforms. For now, I just think we need to be vigilant. There is no doubt they are taking over. However, at this point, they simply seem to be replacing formerly unattractive anchor women and puppet-headed men. I think we can peacefully coexist if that is their only aim. But I for one am going to keep a careful eye on these stunning women bringing me my news and entertainment. In fact, I think I may even need to enroll in journalism school. Befriending these women may be dangerous, but I'll do it for my country.

WTF?

2008-12-17T12:56:00.000-08:00

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,468250,00.html

All I gotta say is who the fuck names their kid Adolf Hitler? What a couple of absolute assholes. Look, I've long ago made peace with the fact that this world is populated by a significantly high percentage of absolute morons. With all due apologies to the bell curve, I'm not convinced intelligence is really laid out that way. I think there's quite a bit of skewing to the low end.

Thus, it doesn't surprise me that there are still people in this world who know so little about human life and biology that they actually think that one group of people is superior to another. It doesn't surprise me that these people find some comfort in wearing sheets while attending their regular meetings of village idiots. It doesn't even surprise me that they find Nazi symbolism "cool." Heck, even serial killers have fan clubs and trading cards.

But to name your kid Adolf Hitler is beyond ignorant. In my days as a shrink, I used to administer intelligence tests on occasion. I'm pretty certain that the instrument cannot measure intelligence this low. I mean, it's one thing to make your own political statement. You love Hitler? Fine. Change your own name to Hitler as an adult and deal with the consequences. By why would anyone who even remotely cares about their child name him Hitler? Now, in addition to having a hard time getting a birthday cake, the kid is going to have to deal with all kinds of abuse and taunting through no fault of his own but simply because he's the product of two lobotomized parents.

The dad says they named their kid Adolf Hitler just because he like the name. Sure. Okay. I buy that. You're not really a narrow-minded white supremicist. It's just a cool name. I guess that's why you named your daughter JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell.

I've said it before and I'll say it again...This planet really could use another good mass extinction.

Save My Job! Just Don't Ask Me To

2008-12-12T08:29:00.000-08:00

I see the story in the Plain Dealer this morning that the "Big" 3 automotive bailout may fall apart because some Republicans had the nerve to ask the UAW for immediate pay cuts to it's union members as part of the agreement. Wow. How could they think of such a thing? Thinking that, in exchange for billions of dollars of taxpayer money, the companies and workers might actually have to change and adapt to a new work landscape. Who do these congressmen think they are?

Now, I'm not Republican and the people demanding these concessions by the UAW are being criticized by other, mostly Democratic, members of congress. But I applaud them. There are multiple reasons why the American car companies are in the big trouble they're in. It certainly isn't all the fault of the autoworker. That being said, every industry analyst worth her salt has indicated that the Big 3 labor rates are simply out of step with today's industry and are continuing to hamstring the firms. So the UAW wants my tax dollars to help preserve their jobs but they don't want to take a pay cut to preserve their jobs? Something's wrong there.

The Republicans proposing this measure are not suggesting that autoworkers accept minimum wage pay. They simply state the American companies labor rates should be brought in line with those of the foreign car companies. Makes sense to me. How can GM possibly compete if they have to pay $37.50 perhour for the same service that Toyota pays $21.00 per hour? It's not feasible. And while no one wants to see their pay cut (I certainly wouldn't), it's still better to have a job, and a decent paying one at that, than not have a job at all, isn't it? Again, are the UAW members sympathetic to all the people in this country who work 2 or 3 minimum wage jobs and still wouldn't make the same hourly wage as the proposed cuts being asked for?

I'm sorry. This industry needs drastic changes and it's going to be painful. I've experienced plenty of pain in this economy in the form of a dramatic decline in my savings and retirement investments. None of that was my fault but I've had to suck it up, plus watch even more of my tax dollars go to help people who in many cases are responsible for their own demise. It makes me furious but I didn't get to vote on it, didn't have any say, and simply have to bend over, grab my ankles, and take it. Pardon me if I expect UAW workers to do the same and make some sacrifices to preserve their own jobs.

My grandfather was a tool and die maker for GM. No, I mean he actually was a tool and die maker. This was at a time when this was a skilled position. The parts that he helped to make were fabricated by hand. Individual dies were measured with a host of hand tools. They were designed with pencils, slide rules, and machined with hefty doses of elbow grease. My grandfather made a decent living at GM and had a terrific benefits package thanks to UAW efforts. No one denies the union has helped workers have a better life. But much work in modern automotive plants is arguably less skilled but the pay has continued to climb past the point of being reasonable. In my grandfather's day, he was a craftsman and was paid well because he had a skill set that took years to hone. Today we're paying some people $40 and hour to push a button to run an automated assembly machine. That is simply not sustainable. And the real craftsman who remain today, the auto mechanics who service these vehicles, get squeezed by the ridiculous dealership fiefdoms.

No one wants to see anyone lose jobs or have their salary decrease. However, sometimes that's exactly what's needed to make the country and the population at large more healthy. Yes, the UAW has made concessions in the past. They should have. They have a vested interest in keeping the company healthy. Yes, they've been betrayed by management. But that doesn't mean they still don't have to do their part to solve the problem.

You know, I keep reading editorials by all these UAW members whining about how we, the American public, are to blame because we don't buy American. Fascinating. Last night I watched a news special on Russia and they talked about how GM just had the grand opening of a $300 million dollar plant in Russia. Hmm... So GM is hurting, we should all buy American, but GM has $300 million to invest in a plant in Russia that will give jobs to Russians and help the Russian economy. Sure, if they sell a lot of cars there it will help GM as a whole and, consequently, the U.S. But my point is that there's no such thing as American anymore. It would do the autoworkers well to accept this, stop whining, and do what they have to do to preserve their jobs at all. If they think that $17 - $25 an hour wages are an insult, they can always go work at McDonald's.

Oprah's Fat Again!

2008-12-10T17:00:00.000-08:00

So Oprah Winfrey is now saying she's embarrassed because she's ballooned back up to 200lbs. Well, she should be embarrassed. I would have given her credit for admitting that she was wolfing down food like Chris Farley at Hometown Buffet. But then she countered this by saying her thyroid condition was a major factor in her weight gain. How come every time a woman gets fat, she all of a sudden has a thyroid condition?

Look, Oprah simply has the body of a big girl. She's fat. It's her body's more comfortable state. When she is skinnier, you can always tell she's just going to pile it all back on again. Notwithstanding TV Guide's wonderful job of pasting Oprah's head on Ann Margaret's body, Oprah always looks weird when she tries to get skinny. Unfortunately for her, she's just fat.

Also unfortunate is that she cannot accept that she fat so she's taken her viewers and readers on her journeys with yo-yo diets, fad exercise routines, and a parade of pictures that look like they were taken with funhouse mirrors. While Oprah can do whatever she wants to herself, I think her out of control lifestyle is incredibly harmful to her so-called fans. She is not a role model for healthy living. She gets a bug up her butt, loses some weight, and then eventually loses control and gains it all back. If you ask me, it's a symptom of a much deeper problem that fame and wealth have apparently not been able to compensate for.

Personally, I think it's just a little bit of karma for putting her big, fat head on the cover of every issue of that appallingly bad magazine she publishes.

Random Thoughts

2008-12-06T18:16:00.000-08:00

Every once in a while I feel like just posting a collection of random thoughts on various, usually unrelated topics. In fact, my waking brain can best be characterized as random thoughts on unrelated topics. A couple things I've been thinking about lately:

Guys at the gym never change. I started back at the gym about 2 weeks ago. When I started my current job, I let the membership lapse because I couldn't get there in the morning anymore. Now that I live alone again, I joined back up. As I said, I've only been back 2 weeks but I've already encountered several guys who disgust me. These were individuals but they're also archetypes of guys you always see at the gym. One guy was there today. He walks around apparently not able to put his arms at his sides because he's so "huge." Of course, he has a mullet and his stomach sticks out further than his chest but his muscles are apparently too big to let his arms comfortably lie at his sides like most of us. It is also clear that they do not make shirts large enough to cover such muscles because I had many more looks at his nipples than I would prefer.

A second type of guy at the gym is the young guy who's in pretty good shape but still walks around like he's God's gift to the women there. Last week a woman was working out and she had a very nice body and was attractive, at least the most attractive woman there at the time. Mr. Cool Guy walks up to her and says, "I just thought I'd let you know that you have quite a lot of fans here." *urp* Excuse me. That was just a little vomit coming up in my throat. Did he really say that? Yes, he did. Let me re-phrase the statement to communicate what he really meant. "Excuse me. I just thought I'd let you know that I'm a fan of yours. Of course, I'm not going to say that directly because even though my only goal with you is to soap up your perfect breasts in the shower, if I say that you'll be disgusted. So instead, I'm going to act like I'm not the kind of guy who hits on every woman under 45 at the gym and act like I'm just complimenting you by letting you know that all the other men here, except me, are pigs and find you attractive."

And speaking of soaping up, the other thing I will never, ever, ever, understand is why guys, and it's always guys over the age of 55, seem to have to shave naked in the locker room of the gym. First of all, why are you shaving at the gym anyway? Jesus Christ, shave at home. I see no reason for guys to shave at the gym. But, if you insist on doing so, please wear pants. Should I desire to wash my hands in the locker room sink (yuck) I do not want to know that your old junk has been rubbing all over it. And frankly, why do 60+ year old, overweight guys want to spend time naked anyway? I think you'd want to wear clothes as much as possible. All I can say is eewwww.

Taylor Swift, the 18 year old country singing sensation, is a very beautiful woman. She has an absolutely gorgeous face. She's a bit awkward but I think it's because she's so tall and young. She hasn't really grown into her body yet. While I'll look at her any time she's on my TV, I think she's really not a very good singer. I've heard a couple of her songs from her albums and they're not bad but I've heard her sing live on two awards shows and it's not so good. A lot of people sound good when recorded. A good producer can work magic. But you can't fool people live. It's funny to me because when Shania Twain came out, the knock on her was that she was just pretty and couldn't sing but I've heard her live and she has a good voice. Certainly better than Taylor Swift, Kellie Pickler, or even Faith Hill, who also sounds terrible live. There's no doubt that appearance has played into the success of all these women but I hate hearing someone sing live when they really can't sing.

Divorce is much harder when you actually like your spouse.

I know this is going to make me sound like a real geek, but last week when I went with my nephews to see the new James Bond movie, we saw a preview for the upcoming Star Trek film. It's about the original characters when they just join Star Fleet. It stars Zachary Quinto as young Spock. He's the best character on the NBC show 'Heroes'. At the risk of being a geek, the movie looks pretty cool and I'm just a little psyched for it.

Since my accident and being forced to buy a new car, I have continued to actually be a little afraid of driving. Driver's seem increasingly distracted these days and, on average, I see a couple of accidents a week. I'm not looking forward to Winter driving season.

My 7 Albums

2008-11-26T17:35:00.000-08:00

After some deliberation, and my conditions set forth in my previous post, below are my top 7 albums. Thanks to Mando Mama for tagging me. And, of course, I need to post this link back to the originator of the project. Without further ado, and in no particular order, here are my top 7:

1. Meet the Beatles - The Beatles - Other people have mentioned the Beatles but typically mention their later albums. I think there's a belief that as their music became more sophisticated, and arguably more meaningful, the later albums were better. The Beatles are probably my favorite band of all time but I really love their early stuff. This album can generally only be found now under the title With the Beatles but I have an original copy from my Aunt when it came out in the 60's and it was called Meet the Beatles. I don't think there's a song on it longer than 3 minutes but is is simply well-crafted pop. A great album that makes you feel good.

2. Blizzard of Oz - Ozzy Osbourne - The seminal Ozzy solo album and a virtuoso guitar performance from Randy Rhoads. This album forshadowed what might have been had Randy not been killed. The songs are iconic and Randy managed to duplicate them incredibly well even when playing live. I think Ozzy has such a unique voice and has had such an impact on heavy metal that he has to be on the list. That being said, I was torn between this album and Sabotage by Black Sabbath.

3. Thriller - Michael Jackson - This is a great album. I think half the album was a No. 1 hit. Catchy songs, great production, and the album that really ushered in the Michael Jackson era many of us remember fondly.

4. All The Best - Paul McCartney - I know I already have a Beatles album on here but McCartney is such a great songwriter that his Wings and other solo work deserves mention. It's probably a bit of a cop-out to include a compilation album but almost every song on here is great and so many of them remind me of simpler times in my life. This is one album I'd want to have on a desert island.

5. Van Halen - Van Halen - The first Van Halen album is a guitar tour-de-force. It completely changed hard rock and metal guitar playing for a decade and Eddie is arguably the most influential guitar player since Hendrix. This album has fabulous tone, great, fun songs, and Diamond Dave at his best.

6. Black Cherry - Goldfrapp - There might be better electro-pop albums but I love this one. Alison Goldfrapp's vocals are so silky and sultry and the music is fantastic. I like all of their albums but I think this is my favorite by a thread. Strict Machine is one of my all time favorite songs.

7. Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness - The Smashing Pumpkins - Some people may think Billy Corgan acts like a jerk and putting out a double album can be pretentious but this is simply a fanstastic album. The songs are well-crafted, the production is incredible, and I love albums that can take you through a range of emotions like this one does. It's an incredible accomplishment because there aren't many weak songs in the collection.

Album Tagging

2008-11-25T10:12:00.000-08:00

So, Mando Mama tagged me with the task of naming the 7 best albums. I don't have my list yet but it's shaping up. As I've been thinking about this, I've imposed my own set of rules on it. First, there are certain types of music I've excluded. For example, while someone could certainly pick the best or most influential rap/hip-hop album of all time, that someone is not me. I don't listen to that genre enough to have a qualified opinion. Classical is also tough because deceased classical composers like Chopin and Bach did not put out albums. If you're going to list a favorite classical recording, then you have to get into things like which orchestra, which conductor, etc. For example, I have a recording of Orff's Carmina Burana by the Cleveland Orchestra conducted by George Szell that I'm particularly fond of. I don't think that counts. My final rule is that the list cannot contain any album by Led Zeppelin. Partly this is because I like to piss people off but also because this is not a list of the 7 most overrated bands of all time.

So I've basically decided that I will only pick my seven from albums I actually own. This seems fair because it makes sense that if I considered an album to be one of the best of all time, I would have it in my possession. Of course, considering that I only own a couple hundred albums, this will limit things a bit and in addition to the aforementioned Led Zeppelin, it will also exclude the Rolling Stones, The Who, Lynyrd Skynyrd, The Grateful Dead, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, and a number of other bands whose music sounds decidedly better while one is actively hallucinating.

I know that these criteria will offend some folks who consider themselves music purists or have more of an appreciation for the history of recorded music than I do. My goal is not to offend anyone else's choice of music. But hey, if you are offended, fuck you. It's my list.

Twilight

2008-11-22T18:17:00.000-08:00

"Twilight," the movie based on the teen vampire novels of Stephenie Meyer, was released this weekend. People who know me know that I'm a fan of all things vampire. There aren't too many vampire movies I haven't seen, from the silent "Nosferatu" to the shameful "Van Helsing." I've read Dracula, I Am Legend, all the Anne Rice Lestat books, and other vampire novels. I own as many of the Hammer Christopher Lee vampire movies as I've been able to find thus far. Anyone who knows anything about vampire movies knows Christopher Lee was the best. I've watched most small screen adaptations of vampire legend as well, even the recently canceled "Moonlight" which I thought deserved a little more time. I've also read a number of books about historic figures in vampire lore like Vlad the Impaler and Elizabeth Bathory.

Against all this background, I have to say that I'm really sick of the hype around this "Twilight" movie. I'm sick of seeing news reports or teen girls waiting to meet the stars at press junkets. I'm tired of hearing how the book series is so hot and appeals to these same teen girls. Hmm, a novel series about young vampires, a human teen girl who is in love with one of them, and the evil forces and other vampires out to get her. Where have I heard this before? Oh yeah, "Buffy the Vampire Slayer."

Those who remember "Buffy" know that it was a low budget movie starring Kristy Swanson written by Joss Whedon. The movie itself was never really the fulfillment of Joss Whedon's ideas by when the television series, starring Sarah Michelle Gellar, was created in the WB network several years ago, he was able to tell the story he always wanted to. It was the story of a human teenage girl who ends up falling in love with a vampire despite the fact that her destiny is to kill vampires and demons using strength and skill she develops as a "slayer." While many people may have found the whole premise hokey, this became my favorite television show for all the years it was on. While I loved the whole vampire theme, I thought the show was incredibly well-written, casted, and acted. It even earned a few Emmy nods which was pretty impressive for a show of its type on the fledgling, and now gone, WB network.

With the exception of the fact the Buffy had super strength, the rest of the series seems eerily like "Twilight" to me. Stephenie Meyer says she started writing the series in 2003. I'm sure she'd say she never saw "Buffy" on TV. Don't get me wrong, there have been lots of vampire adaptations before Joss Whedon's version. But to my knowledge, other than "Lost Boys" there wasn't really a story quite like Whedon's.

My problem isn't as much with what appears to be a pretty blatant rip-off of Whedon's idea, but with the fact that I find it interesting that a man was able to write a more compelling, strong, resourceful female lead than a woman was able to write. Whedon's Buffy wasn't some damsel in distress who just swooned at the male vampire's seductive ways. First, she was the central character, not the vampires. The vampires provide the allegory but Buffy was the most interesting character. She was initially an impulsive, reluctant heroine but she sacrificed a normal life to fulfill a destiny not of her own choosing. She was frequently the one in the group who solved problems, saved her friends, and became the undisputed leader of the forces for good. I thought it was probably one of the best female leads ever written, for television or movies. Buffy was the kind of girl you'd want your daughter to grow up to be. A role model if you will.

The heroine of "Twilight" is the typical teenage female character. She pines for the dreamy boy and the fact that he's a vampire just makes him more mysterious, dangerous, and attractive. She doesn't really have a whole lot more to do than function as the damsel in distress and love interest. Typical, underwritten female role. Couldn't a female author come up with a better female lead than this? I think it's amazing that Joss Whedon could write a female character that women can be proud of while Stephenie Meyer writes one that is the cookie-cutter girl we see in basically every pseudo-horror movie.

I'm sure lots of tween girls will go to see the movie this weekend and it will make a bunch of money. Those same girls are probably too young to have seen much of the Buffy television series. In my opinion, they'd be better off to skip the movie and rent the TV series on DVD. They'll still see a compelling drama and love story only they'll see one with a female character they can respect.

Not So Sure

2008-11-15T16:34:00.000-08:00

I rarely go to the mall. In fact, I rarely go shopping other than for groceries. Partly because I'm cheap but also because there's just not really much I need. However, I decided today to get a point and shoot digital camera. I have a nice digital SLR but it's not convenient to take on business trips because I'm already slinging my laptop and suitcase. Since I'm going to LA Monday, I figured it would be nice to pick one up to take with me.

The first thing I noticed is that the traffice was unbelievable today. Given that it is a Saturday, I have to assume most of the people who were out were going to buy things. Most were probably not going to work, especially at the time I was out. For the camera, I went to Best Buy. It was pretty crowded. Plenty of people were looking at laptops, cameras, and, of course, video game systems. I then went to the mall to get a couple of pairs of casual dress pants for the trip. Again, crazy traffic, a packed parking lot, and lots of people with multiple bags in the stores.

Now, I watch the news like everyone else, maybe more than most. I read the paper every day. I know the economy really is in bad shape. Thousands have lost jobs, the home foreclosure rate has not abated, and, supposedly consumer spending is down. Despite these reports, I'm just not so sure. I've commented on this before but when I hear people complain about the economy, it seems like all they really complain about are necessities. They complain about the price of gas, health care, utilities, and keeping a roof over their heads. That being said, I almost never hear them complain about the price of luxuries. By luxury I simply mean anything that's a want rather than a need.

A lot of people at my office seem nervous about the economy. I hear them talking about it as they ride up in the elevator with their $5 Starbucks coffees. I'm convinced that many Americans don't really care much about Wall Street problems because they're not really invested in Wall Street. The savings rate of Americans has fallen to less that 2%. If you have no savings and no really retirement investments, the walloping that stocks are taking really doesn't matter to you, at least as long as you can still use your plastic. I don't really see people denying themselves that much. If they were, our roads would be a little less packed on the weekends.

Look, I know people are entitled to spend their money how they want. I also know that buying a video game or a new $300 cell phone can make people feel good when they are feeling down about their life of the nation. I bought something I didn't really need today. But, I also save more than most people I know and rarely spend money on myself for anything frivolous. The point is that we find ourselves in the current financial mess we face largely because Americans don't deny themselves anything and tend to live way beyond their means. They want to be bigshots and improve their self-esteem by showing off their collections of possessions to friends and neighbors. Our current recession was supposed to be changing that. It was supposed to be teaching people a lesson. We were supposed to "get back to basics" and appreciate the simple things in life. Judging from the behavior I continue to see when I'm out, I'm not so sure.

Waiting for Change

2008-11-12T17:48:00.000-08:00

Monday night I went to the monthly Science Cafe Cleveland at the Great Lakes Brewery tasting room. The topic was the origin of life on earth. There were probably about 150 people there. Usually it's not that well attended but someone obviously told their class to attend because there were some high school kids there with biology books. I don't make it to every Science Cafe but I try to make the ones I can.

What intrigued me about this meeting is that as well attended as it was, I believe there were two black people in attendance. That's it. Just two. Out of 150-200 people. At an event right across from the West Side Market.

Now, I understand some people have probably never heard of the Science Cafe but it's put on through a partnership of several area institutions like the Museum of Natural History and Case Western Reserve University. Certainly some black people attend those institutions. But oddly enough, I used to be a member of the Natural History Museum and I used to attend some of their lectures. Almost no black people attended those either. I've seen plenty of black people take their kids to the museum and school kids get to go every year on field trips.

This is not meant specifically to be a post about racism but all the hoopla over Obama has sensitized me to the issue. As I sat listening to the lecturers, I realized that the gulf between people is going to be difficult to bridge. I'm certain that there are plenty of other types of events largely attended by blacks and maybe some of them wonder why whites don't attend. I think this is the change I'm waiting for. Until there's a little more commonality between the races, I just don't see a lot of the underlying problems getting better. I know I'm painting with a broad brush and that there are whites who love hip hop and blacks who like physics. But in general, we're still a very segregated society and once the dust of the election settles, I don't see it being much different.

Holy Ghost!

2008-11-08T06:31:00.000-08:00

I've noticed that there seem to be a lot more ghost shows on televsion right now. I don't mean shows like "Ghost Whisperer" but shows that feature actual, ahem, ghost hunters. Apparently you really can make a living out of this. Admittedly, I've only watched a couple of the shows but I can say that I've yet to see any compelling evidence for the existence of ghosts on any of these shows. Frankly, if any truly authenticated evidence of ghosts was discovered, it would make the front page of every newspaper in the world. This would be one of the single greatest discoveries of humankind. So given all the ghost hunters and "paranormal" investigators out there, why haven't I seen one major headline about this? Simple:

It's all bullshit.

Why is it that otherwise rational human beings continue to want to believe in this crap? Not only believe, but give away good money to the charlatans who prey upon them? There really is some defective wiring in the human brain that makes us love garbage like ghosts and astrology. It wouldn't bother me so much except for the fact that putting shows like "Ghost Hunters" on TV is a tacit endorsement of the notion that ghosts actually exist. And there's no counterbalance in the media. There's no show that on a weekly basis gets to expose ghost hunters, psychics, and other scam artists for the frauds that they are. I suppose this is because most people are happier to not know the truth. The truth isn't as fun. I guess that's also one reason people continue to believe in God despite the fact that there's less evidence for Him than there is for ghosts. I simply have no patience for this kind of thinking.

Crying? Really?

2008-11-05T09:56:00.000-08:00

If I hear or read about one more person who says he or she was crying when it became clear Obama won the election or when they cast their vote, I'm going to vomit. Really? You actually cried? Can you please explain why?

Nothing "historic" happened in this election. We have an election for President every 4 years. Oh, okay, a half-black man was elected this time. I suppose that's historic but why is no one talking about how shameful it is that this is even an issue? The U.S. has nothing to be proud of. We should instead be embarassed that only in the 21st century have we finally realized that a half black, who acts white enough for us all to be confortable with him, can be President. Jesse Jackson never had a chance and still wouldn't.

As for historic, maybe we can reserve that judgement until we see what actually gets accomplished? Having someone in office who has a black parent may mean something but I don't know what. It doesn't signal the end of racism in this country. Not when well over 90% of black voters voted for Obama. Either they are way smarter than the rest of us or many of them voted purely on race. How exactly does that signal the end of racism?

Oh, I forgot, there's going to be change and hope. Okay. Sure. If anyone thinks for one minute that the Warren Buffet's of this country are going to let Obama significantly increase capital gains taxes, you are out of your mind. Now that he's elected, some people who are wealthier, and perhaps even wiser, than he is are going to pull him aside and say, "Congratulations Barack. We're thrilled for you. Now, about some of those things you said during the campaign. If you do them, this country is going to fall off a cliff and we're going to lose billions. Um, we're not going to let that happen. Understand?"

Sure, Obama will pass through some of what he wants to do. But the aristocracy of this country will only allow "change" that will not significantly undermine their power or diminish their bank accounts. Anyone who thinks otherwise may actually be delusional.

I've said this before but here's my prediction: I'm a single guy with a good salary and no dependents. Four years from now, my real wages will have lost more ground against CEO pay. I will be paying significantly more for electricity, gas, food, health care, and television. My taxes will increase. My job will be no more secure than it is today. Ohio will not see a return of good-paying manufacturing jobs. Cleveland will continue to lose population and tax base and the infrastructure will continue to deteriorate. Some American troops will still be dying in Iraq or Afghanistan. We will have at least 50 million citizens without health insurance. Our students will still be getting their asses kicked by students from every other industrialized country. Poor people in the inner city will still be poor and living in the inner city. Adult onset diabetes will continue to be a rampant and unsolved problem as the obesity rate nears 50%.

Perhaps there is a reason to cry as an American citizen but I don't think it's because we've elected Barack Obama.

Change I Can Believe In

2008-11-04T05:40:00.000-08:00

Finally, it's election day and this two year nightmare of campaigning will be over. As I was getting ready for work today, I saw the empty water jug into which I toss my spare change. About two months ago, I started wrapping some of the change. I got to about $130 and stopped because I got tired of wrapping it. I think I wrapped most of the quarters but I still have a lot of pennies, nickels, and dimes. I figure if I get the rest wrapped I may end up with $200 or so.

As I looked at the jug this morning I realized that this is change I can believe in. Real, tangible change. Not rhetoric or empty promises. Not plans without detail. Not unfunded mandates. Actual change that I can hold in my hand and that serves as legal tender in the United States. This is the only change that matters. No matter who wins the election tonight, my life is unlikely to be altered much. I'm a single, white, male with no dependents who makes a decent W-2 salary. The government loves people like me. We get no breaks and get hammered every tax season. Aside from my mortgage interest, I get no tax breaks. I make too much money to get any government benefits and too little money to have slick lawyers and accountants find me loopholes. I have no children so I don't get paid to procreate. I simply pay, and pay, and pay. Neither candidate is going to change this.

All that matters to me is the money I can hold in my hands and it's likely that whoever gets elected, somehow I'll be holding less of it.

Men Get Cancer Too

2008-10-30T05:41:00.000-07:00

Yesterday there was yet another story in the Plain Dealer about women dealing with cancer. This time the story was about how to feel better by doing things to look better such as picking out the right wig, applying makeup, etc. I don't wish cancer on anyone. It's a horrendous disease. But I couldn't help but think as I read yet another article about the impact of cancer on women that we seem to forget that men get cancer too. Maybe it's working in the National City Building which, for the past month, has been bathed in the glow of pink lighting in support of breast cancer awareness. Maybe it's the pink ribbons on cars or the pink appliances that have been advertised in store circulars but it seems to me that a visitor from another world would think, aside from the occasional nod to prostate cancer, that cancer is a woman's disease. Again, my point is not to minimize the prevalence or impact of cancer in women. But by constantly reminding us of it, particularly breast cancer, we have effectively minimized the prevalence and impact of cancer on men and even children.

My grandfather died of stomach cancer. It was enough years ago that I can't tell you how many years ago it was but I was basically an adult when it happened. My grandfather was a short man with a rigid stature that many immigrants had when they came to this country proud of their heritage but humbled as a newcomer. He worked out at the YMCA on 25th street religiously. When I was old enough, he sometimes took me with him. I didn't really work out. Mostly I shot baskets while he jogged for miles. We'd lift a few weights in what really was the definition of the dank, musty gym. The YMCA had incredibly old equipment. An antique rowing machine, some barbells, and a medicine ball that was actually stitched together. The medicine ball was my favorite. Frankly, some of the other equipment reminded me too much of tools of the Inquisition for me to use. Still even as a young teen, I was impressed that my grandpa was in such good shape. Better shape than me.

One year, he decided that he wanted to go and visit relatives in Czechoslovakia. He had never been there but apparently decided he wanted to visit the remaining family he had who might know him . My grandmother had no desire to do this and refused to go so he went by himself. For a couple weeks, he drank a lot and ate fatty foods and homemade sausages common in Eastern European countries. Not long after he returned, he noticed a change in his appetite and in the way food tasted to him. After a number of tests he was diagnosed with stomach cancer. Exploratory surgery revealed that the cancer was so widespread that the doctors merely stitched him back up and he began chemotherapy. My once stubbornly proud and healthy grandfather withered away within about six months. For the last week or so, he was in a tertiary nursing home. As cliche as it may sound, he died as a shell of the man who used to take me to the gym.

My grandpa was never as affectionate as my grandma but we were close to him nonetheless. He really loved his grandchildren. You could just tell by the way he tried to teach us things or how he would leave $.50 for each of us on the living room table when we visited every week. I miss him and the cancer that took him from us was every bit as evil as the lymphoma that took my grandmother many years later. We certainly need to do all we can to help free everyone from this unbelievably awful disease but maybe, just sometimes, we can remind ourselves and the media than men get cancer too.

Gun Fun

2008-10-26T18:19:00.001-07:00

Saturday I went to a gun and knife show with my brother. I've been looking to get a new gun and I think I'm interested in the Rossi .38 pictured here. I've been target shooting for a few years and own a .22 semiautomatic target pistol. Target shooting is oddly relaxing. You can't focus on anything else. You, and typically several other people, are standing in a fairly small room with various guns and lots of live ammo. You need to concentrate and be cautious.

That being said, gun shows are an odd experience. It is just surreal to walk around in a building full of knives and guns for sale to anyone who paid the $6 entrance fee. It's even more disconcerting to walk past so many people with handguns strapped to them and semiautomatic rifles slung over their shoulders. I know that most people who buy guns buy them as a hobby, for hunting, collecting, or target shooting. Of course, that's most people. It's the other ones I worry about. Case in point, see this story.

I Loathe Politics

2008-10-23T07:06:00.000-07:00

I saw a story this morning that the French Archives are releasing a short video interview with John McCain that was conducted by a French reporter during his captivity in Vietnam. Apparently, snippets of the interview have been circulating for some time but this is the first time the whole video is being released to the press.

Now, I don't know why the video is being released now but no matter what official explanation is being given, it's hard for me to believe there isn't some political motive behind it, or at least part of it. The video could have been released anytime. A year ago, a year from now, six months ago. That is is being released two weeks before the presidential election seems awfully convenient to me. There's no way anyone can watch any of the video or stills of McCain as a POW and not feel some sympathy for him. He went through a horrendous experience many of us would not have survived.

There's also no way anyone can deny that such sympathy can have an effect on the polls, likely in the direction of giving McCain a boost. Now I know that everyone will deny that this has anything to do with it and McCain supporters will say the timing of the release is simply coincidence but I just don't buy it. I don't know whether McCain himself, or any people in powerful positions in his campaign, had anything to do with the release but he certainly isn't going to be upset about it or any bump he gets as a result. If there is even a hint of political motivation behind this release, then that is absolutely despicable.

Death of the Free Market

2008-10-22T05:58:00.000-07:00

I've come to a point in my life, later than some and earlier than others, where I realized that a lot about America, maybe most of it, is illusion. I truly don't believe that the America many of us believe in exists, or ever existed. The latest casualty to me is the free market, or at least politician support of the free market.

Over the last few years, we've heard a lot about the free market, privatization, capitalism, etc. We've heard a lot about it because President Bush, and Republicans in general, are big supporters of these notions, supposedly. These folks, and many conservative leaning pundits like Bill O-Reilly, Ann Coulter, and Sean Hannity, believe in this both on the macro economic scale and on the micro level of the individual. They seem to believe that both individuals and companies should compete and whoever wins, well, they were better somehow and deserved to win. Kind of a funny notion for folks who often criticize Darwinian notions of natural selection and evolution.

Regardless, on a macro scale, the notion is that private sector competition is good and that it leads to higher quality, lower prices, etc. In theory, this is a fine idea. But what it also means is that some companies and private entities will not succeed. It doesn't matter if they are a historic name or have friends in high places. If they can't cut it in the marketplace, then they're done. Too bad. But that's the ruthlessness of the the jungle.

Ah, but the problem is that the same folks who worship at the altar of the free market economy don't really believe in it. They believe that it only applies in some circumstances and not others. They believe it only applies to some companies and not others. So when Obama wants to tax higher earners and corporations and give tax breaks to moderate and low earners, it's socialism. However, when we provide special low-interest loans to General Motors, that's just fine and dandy. When we provide billions in public dollars to bail out investment firms and banks, that's not welfare. It's just prudent fiscal policy. It's not a free market economy when we tinker with it and prop up entities that would otherwise whither and die.

And it's not just national. On the local level, the Public Utilities Commission of Ohio (PUCO) recently granted the gas companies the ability to raise delivery rates for gas to consumers. The rate increase will not be based on usage so folks living in tiny houses or apartments will pay the same delivery charge as LeBron James will pay in his castle. The gas companies wanted this increase because, after years of prodding people to do so, customers actually began to conserve, especially as gas prices shot up. People lowered thermostats, bought energy efficient appliances, etc., and started using less gas. Given this, the gas companies have no convenient way to sustain there profit margin so they pressured the PUCO for this increase. They originally proposed an even more egregious pricing scheme but there was enough public outrage to end that one. Still, the end result is that people are going to pay more for natural gas service even if they've been doing what they can to conserve.

This is ridiculous. To me, it is nothing short of price fixing. That is not the free market. I used to own a company that primarily scanned documents for lawfirms. Over time, that service became a commodity and prices dropped precipitously. I didn't like that. I liked it much better when I was making a higher profit margin. But I couldn't just say to customers that I was now going to implement a document pick-up charge to offset my other losses. I couldn't do that because my industry doesn't have a PUCO. My competitors, who might have been better able to absorb the scanning price decrease, would not institute additional charges and I'd be out of business. That's how the free market works. I was a small company. No one cared if I survived or not. I didn't contribute to local political campaigns. I didn't have any lobbyists. Politicians like the free market for people like me.

The fact is that the free market just doesn't apply to certain entities. And if it doesn't apply to some, then it really doesn't apply to any. It's just another fallacy in this joke of a nation, along with free speech and the idea that any American can grow up to be president. Lately, my best friend has reminded me of George Carlin's notion that really all you can do about any of this is stand back and laugh. Carlin acknowledged that it was sad to see a nation of such promise chronically underachieve but he ended up realizing that instead of being sad or angry, you just have to enjoy the show. I'm not there yet but I'm getting closer. A post like this would have riled me up a few months ago. Now I just think it's comical that anyone still believes in any of this crap.

It's Over Johnny

2008-10-20T06:26:00.001-07:00

Well, if you believe anyone in the media, it's looking more and more like Obama will be our next president. I know a lot of people who say they're still undecided but I think it won't make a difference. Unless something major happens in the next two weeks, I think it's likely Obama will get in, maybe in a landslide.

Then things get interesting. It will be time to see if all the faith from those who have worshipped at the Obama altar for two years is justified. Again, I don't have any particular problem with Obama but as the campaign has progressed, I think some of the sheen has worn off of him. He has provided no more specifics for dealing with problems than McCain has and he has also successfully skirted the difficult issues. So, like most elections, I think this will simply come down to what people believe in. Those who believe that basic Republican tenets are the best will vote for McCain. Those who buy into the Democratic philosophy will vote for Obama. The reason Obama will likely win is because when people are hurting, as many are now, they usually blame the party in charge.

Still, it will be interesting to see what Obama can get done. It's likely he won't be able to blame politics for any failures. The prediction now is that Democrats will not only lead the House and Senate but may even have the magic number in the Senate where they can basically do whatever they want. One potential problem for Obama is that a lot of his proposals are paid for by taxing high income individuals and capital gains. Unfotunately, the faltering economy has wiped out most capital gains earnings for a while. People are going to be declaring losses on investments so there won't be nearly as much for Obama to tax. The current economic mess is also likely to decrease the population of people making over $250K per year, another key target for Obama's payment plan.

No matter who you want to blame for the current financial crisis, it is going to have a dramatic influence on the early period of the next administration. Neither Obama nor McCain has done a good job of elucidating how this is going to specifically influence their potential policies and behaviors. Neither has demonstrated a firm grasp of the science behind climate change or alternative energy. The economy has dominated so much that we haven't even heard a lot about foreign policy, Social Security reform, the influence of technology on jobs and economy, or other pressing issues the country is facing.

I think it's likely Obama will win. I don't have a problem with that. I just hope that all the people who believe in him so much with so little evidence thus far will actually hold his feet to the fire and not make excuses if he fails to deliver. All we've heard about in this campaign is leadership. A true leader gets things done. A true leader does not make excuses. A true leader is able to see the opportunities in crisis and take advantage of them. Let's hope we're electing a leader.

Chuck Baldwin for President!

2008-10-13T18:00:00.000-07:00

Wow. I received my absentee ballot in the mail late last week and tonight I actually looked at it. I was amazed at how many presidential candidates there are. I've never heard of these people, well except for Ralph Nader. So, listing president and then vice president, here are your choices in a couple of weeks (except for the big two of course):

Chuck Baldwin, Darrell Castle - Constitution Party
Bob Barr, Wayne Allyn Root - Libertarian Party of Ohio
Richard Duncan, Ricky Johnson - No party listed
Cynthia McKinney, Rosa Clemente - Green Party
Brian Moore, Stewart Alexander - Socialist Party
Ralph Nader, Matt Gonzalez - No party listed

I think I like Vice President Ricky.

Seriously, this points out to me the ridiculous illusion of democracy in this country. It's a fallacy that parents tell their children when they say anyone can grow up to be president. Only Republicans or Democrats can be president and because those two parties control the commission for presidential debates, you the voting public do not even get to hear what any of the candidates above have to say. Maybe they're all buffoons. Maybe they have some great ideas. The problem is that we'll never know. Sometimes America just doesn't get it right.